Dropping the Proverbial Handkerchief
Ancient Intelligence Weekly: 6/16
Happy Monday,
In my Q&A episode this week one of the questions was, why don’t women ask men out? (I’m exhausted).
This had me thinking two things. First, a simple answer - because (most) women don’t want to, they never have, and they never will.
Second, there’s a missing conversation here. Rather, a dynamic that used to exist between men and women in many cultures and many ages that’s been forgotten - the art of collaboration. The idea that getting together isn’t just one man blindly knocking on as many doors as he can and hoping one will open, but instead it’s a woman’s willingness and interest serving as an implicit invitation for him to come explicitly knocking on the right door.
The feminine and the masculine working together. The woman’s allure inspiring the man’s action.
The Victorians had this formalized (because clearly we’re lost without it). A woman couldn’t be explicit by actively pursuing a man but she could be implicit. If she saw a man she was interested in, she might “accidentally” drop her handkerchief near him. If he was interested in her he would strike up a conversation and do a little flirting. If not, he could politely return it and they would both gracefully move on about their day.
Re-implementing something like this today would do wonders, but there is so much fear, misunderstanding, miscommunication, and distrust. You know the thing about giving people the benefit of the doubt? We have the opposite of that going on lately which keeps a lot of people single. Anti-male narratives have inspired anti-female narratives and on and on we go in a loop.
Men are rightfully frustrated when women refer to an attractive man approaching them as flirting, while an unattractive man doing the same exact thing as sexual harassment. That’s not okay. Women are rightfully frustrated when men misread the situation and don’t take hints. The reality is we don’t have a formalized approach. People make mistakes. People misread signs. People get confused. The best thing we can do is try to do what the Victorians would do and be kind and graceful about it.
On the Pod This Week: A solo episode answering subscriber questions! Enjoy (Spotify).
(Watch the episode on YouTube here)
Have a great week everyone,
-Anya